My Fears on Going Back to Work and Childcare....

Where or where is the time going? My little man is 7 months old and is getting bigger by the second. I feel like every milestone and moment I dreamt of while pregnant has come and gone faster then I was ready for each. You hardly have time to enjoy one exciting moment and memory before you are unknowingly catapulted into the next. I've been blessed to be able to spend almost every moment of my days with him so far and I wouldn't change a second of it. I love being his mom and getting to stay home with him right now. A close friend of mine is ending her maternity leave next week after a year off with her little man and going back to the daily grind that we all call work. This is really making me think about my own inevitable return that will happen in less then 5 months now. I know 5 months is a long time. It used to be before Brady came into my life. 7 months has sped by faster then I could have ever imagined and I anxiously feel that the next few months will do the same. Part of me is excited about going back and seeing adults every day, that part however is small. Very very small. The other part (the large majority) is full of anxiety, fear, doubt, remorse and guilt about having to send my beautiful baby to day care to spend too much time being raised by a stranger. I know from a social aspect these tings are good for the kids. I also realise from a financial aspect work is a great thing for the family. But being a mom, being his mom full time has been the best thing I have ever gotten to do. Working never totally felt right to me, never completely enjoyed it (but who does) and went because I liked living in my house and eating food (and a few other luxuries work allows me to have). Teaching him, watching him grow, learning how to take care of him and my house and husband does feel right. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy, I know lame, but now it doesn't feel so lame. It is a dream come true and I'm so torn up inside about what I will face 5 months from now. I am now having to get serious (very serious) about who will be watching my baby every day while I'm there. Will they love him enough? Will they teach him? Will they kiss his boo boos better? Will they appreciate his crazy screeches as much as I do or get so excited that he ate his slice of avocado and only threw it on the floor once? How could they.... this person did not grow him inside their belly for 9 months, give birth to 6 lbs 14 oz of perfection then endure sleepless nights, early mornings, breastfeeding challenges, first smiles, first giggles, late night cuddles, cries that only mommy could cure and all the other obstacles and amazing moments we have shared in the past 7 months. I have big plans to keep me closer to him in the future but going back to work for awhile is the unfortunate reality that will help me get there. I just need to first find someone who I trust enough to take on this important task and then second sit back and enjoy the last 5 months I have with my little man before this happens. It's going to come and I need to be okay with that..... I will one day I hope.